It's a saturday night and I'm at home feeling non-active. My body is too lazy to go out, too bummed to watch TV, too fat to eat any more junk food but my brain is too active to sit still. It's a weird mix. The mind wants to move but the meat says hell no.
So what do I do? I think. I'm told thinking is a dangerous pastime. But what else can you do when your body won't cooperate? So I think about a lot of things and go through my usual process:
First, I lose that good feeling.
Next, I start to realize that the world is a shitty place.
I've posted an entry on this subject before. But this time, it's not targeted to my inner circle of friends. It's those friends of friends of friends that bother me this time or the "cling-ons" as I like to call them. To be more specific, it's my brother's friend.
Dude, I know I'm a geek. I wouldn't think twice about helping my friends for any tech related problem (provided help isn't asked in the most inopportune moments) but dude, who the f%^k are you??? I know he's my brother and he's your friend. But don't you have any other tech capable friends??? WHY WON'T YOU STOP BEING A FRICKIN' CHEAPSKATE AND PAY FOR SOMEONE TO REFORMAT YOUR DAMN COMPUTER?!!! I AM NOT YOUR PERSONAL FREE COMPUTER TECHNICIAN!!!!!
RRRRRAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHH!!!
(huff, huff)
I'm okay now. Sorry y'all had to see that. Move along now. Have a nice day.
Exhausted, Worn out, Weary, Fatigued, Dead beat, Etc, Etc
It's been a hell of a week. I'm not sure if the work load has increased or the lack of substantial rest is making me a bit edgy in the office. I didn't mean to be snarky to my co-workers this week but there were days where I just wanted to snap.
What really bothers me is not the increased stress levels (nor the hair strands pile around my chair) is I feel like I've been behaving like a brat, whining like a sad bitch. I'll try to have more composure next week. If I live long enough to see Monday.
I've been meaning to post this since it first came out, but it's somewhat fortunate that I didn't. Because Tatsuya Ishida has been on a roll. Now I must warn you, the following will be a tirade which will elicit a lot of "I-told-you-so's" and a couple of "Get-off-your-ass-already's." Basically, more of the same self-pitiful bullshit. So if you'd rather not get infuriated by my incessant whining, skip this post altogether.
I've always been plaguing myself with what-if's that I usually cower under my self-generated pressure. But there are days that I actually feel like doing something about it. But in the end, cowardice always wins out. Why am I keeping myself in this high school level, lovey-dovey torpe bullshit? It's so obvious that knowing you failed is hell of a lot better than torturing yourself on what-if's. (Although, to be fair, sometimes ignorance can prove to be blissful.)
But I have done it before! I have stepped out of my shell and told women (only 2 in actuality) how I honestly feel. (I don't really have to tell you the outcome of those incidents. Otherwise, I wouldn't be making this stupid post in the first place.) Is it really a matter of wrong time, wrong place? Or is it really (my favorite consolation phrase) the wrong girl? Or, as Mr. Ishida so bluntly puts it, am I really just in love with an "Idea?" Well, that was my excuse for moving on from the first girl I really liked. People change. She changed. And I was in love with the idea of her in high school. She was a sharp one. Because she knew that my infatuation clouded my vision from seeing the real her. Maybe it was the same with Girl#2. This one nipped things at the bud before things got too far. Can't really say that I'm thankful for her doing that. But I really have to learn to that it was for my own good and take it like a man. I don't have to like what transpired but it did. What am I gonna do? Blame God for my own inadequacies?
Tatsuya Ishida made a trifecta on what I needed (perhaps wanted) to hear this week. I find myself, maybe (a BIG maybe) en route to a Girl#3. It's these questions that I need to clarify with myself first before I go in head first to another (possible) awkward crash. Only time will tell whether these strips will ultimately fill me with courage, turn me into a bigger coward, or reveal to the world that I really, really love ideas.
[Side note: If you like the strips I featured on my post, go help Mr. Ishida make some money and regularly visit his site. It's not always safe for work, but hopefully your bosses aren't huge pricks.]
I think I may have to learn to say "no." I've been too accommodating to my friends, co-workers, and even random acquaintances. So much that they text, call or e-mail me late at night. Tonight, I've had four different people ask me four different things in a span of an hour. And like the daft doormat that I am, I agreed to all requests.
I feel like I'm Melvin Smiley in The Big Hit. I can't refuse a request in fear of people disliking me. [sigh] It's mentally and physically draining me. People criticize me sometimes for being too much of a hermit, but now you know that most of the time I spend at home is to accommodate several requests from all these people.
I really like some alone time. I need some time just veg out in front of my Mac watching my shows and even more time to finally finish Final Fantasy XII. Dear God, people, the world of Ivalice needs me too!
One of these days, I think I'll digitally disappear from all of you.
Any old schmoe can remember G.I. Joe, The Transformers or even Thundercats, but it takes a true geek to remember (and post) obscure 1980s cartoon intros on YouTube. (It takes an even bigger geek to actually find them and repost them on his blog and pretend it's therapeutic.)
It's been a while since I made a worthwhile post. Come to think of it, I've never made a worthwhile post since I started this blog. Anyway, in most life crises (quarter-life, mid-life or end-of-life), people want to recapture their youth by buying grotesquely expensive stuff and/or dressing/acting 10 years younger and/or other things not deemed normal by most secure people of society.
...
Hell, I've tried everything else, let's give this regression thing a shot.
So sit back and enjoy as I attempt to avert this self-induced life crisis with a painfully cheesy nostalgic trip down memory lane. Brought to us by the lovely people of YouTube. And by the letter L. For Loser.
When you hear Mac users bitch about being neglected in the world, that's because we are. We have yet to recieve a proper update to our Yahoo! Messenger client and we still are not able to view (through Safari) the new Yahoo web page. And it's not just Yahoo, some e-commerce sites still don't support Safari or Firefox. On the hardware side, Windows Server 2003 makes us jump through flaming, virus-laced loops just to share a goddamn printer.
Yes, it's these things than make me regret getting a Mac. But I have no plans on switching back. I've crossed and seen the light. OSX is superior to Windows XP in every way. It's just minor hiccups that's keeping Windows XP's life support from failing. It's what keeps most people from switching. Some banks haven't even left DOS for Christ's sake.
Don't get me wrong, I have not turned into a Mac bigot. Windows Vista is shaping up to be a nice OS. And I plan to dual boot OSX and Vista when (and if) it comes out next year. Seeing as some developers will still shun OSX, Windows is still a necessary evil.
P.S. Happy Independence Day, all! Now, imagine Bill Pullman saying "Today... is our Independence Day!" Got that image in your head? Yeah? Now, keep repeating it until it becomes like a Last Song Syndrome. Suffer with me.
I... haven't been creatively lately. I feel empty. No matter how hard I try I still end up with a blank canvas. I've tried watching movies, playing video games and gluttony. Nothing seems to get me out of my rut. It's gotten so bad that I don't even feel like trying to get out of it anymore.
It's most probably a phase. I never really took myself seriously when I made that quarter life crisis jab. But I guess there's more truth to it than I thought.
Y'all might be wondering why I haven't posted anything since I got my new toy. Well, as my luck would have it, I got sick within hours of recieving my new iMac.
[sigh] This kind of shit only happens to me. Something incredibly good happens only to be followed by something really bad to off-set it. Oi.
Enough self-pity. We shall return to our regular scheduled Mac adoration soon.
Name: Jin
Occupation: Graphic Artist/Pirate Geek Toys:
20" iMac Core Duo, PSP, iPod (3G), EOS350D Special Attack(s):
La Serpiente Strike
El Gato Fist
Being the mindless drone of fashion that I am, I decided to jump on the Blogging bandwagon. This site contains all my rants and raves about current events, technology, video gaming, cinema and the occasional snippets of my own geek life. (Yeah, quite original, I know.)
Best viewed at 1024x768 on Firefox or Safari. Internet Explorer 6 sucks donkey dick.
It's been a hell of a week. I'm not sure if the work load has increased or the lack of substantial rest is making me a bit edgy in the office. I didn't mean to be snarky to my co-workers this week but there were days where I just wanted to snap.
When you hear Mac users bitch about being neglected in the world, that's because we are. We have yet to recieve a proper update to our Yahoo! Messenger client and we still are not able to view (through Safari) the new Yahoo web page. And it's not just Yahoo, some e-commerce sites still don't support Safari or Firefox. On the hardware side, Windows Server 2003 makes us jump through flaming, virus-laced loops just to share a goddamn printer.
In two days, The First Quarter ends, and the Second one begins.
